25 Things to Know About “The Country”
Tips to help you blend in when visiting or moving to rural America.
One door was labeled “Heifers.” The other was labeled “Steers.” To a girl looking for the restroom in a show barn, the distinction wasn’t immediately obvious. It’s a good thing Mother had given me a head’s up: “You want the one marked ‘heifers,’ honey.’”
It was a good lesson, and a sight I became more accustomed to as I grew up in cattle country. That’s just one of the things you need to know if you hope to blend in while you’re in the country.
Here are a few other pointers:
1. Cattle are counted by head. When someone asks how many head someone has, they’re talking about cattle.
2. If you open a gate, close it. Gates keep livestock in their pastures.
3. “Posted” means “Do Not Enter.” So don’t.
4. There are no sidewalks or bike lanes. Therefore, walk on the side of the road, facing traffic. Bicycle with traffic.
5. A country-mile is a long ways.
6. Don’t touch smooth wire fences. They’re electrified. You will be shocked.
7. Land is measured in sections. One section is 640 acres.
8. “Neighborhood” is a state of mind. Our nearest neighbors are about a quarter mile away, but in some parts of the country, the nearest neighbor may be five or ten miles or more.
9. Cars will stop in the middle of the road so neighbors can chat with neighbors.
10. Roads seldom have shoulders.
11. Roads may be narrow, and one-lane bridges aren’t uncommon.
12. Cell phone coverage is still spotty. Don’t be surprised if it doesn’t work.
13. Directions often are given by landmarks. “Go past the white fence and turn right at the driveway with the big leaf maple tree.”
14. If you live here, expect to help out sometimes when animals escape. Cattle, goats, and who knows what else sometimes slip their fences in search of greener pastures.
15. Livestock (and pets) will be on the road sometimes, as they’re herded home. See above.
16. Coyotes are not big dogs. They are wild, and hunt small animals (aka, your pets).
17. Wild animals use – and cross – the roads, too. Deer and coyotes are common, and I’ve seen elk, cougar, and bear on local roads.
18. People hunt and fish, and they eat what they kill.
19. You will smell manure. It’s in pastures, and farmers fertilize their fields with it.
20. Horses and cattle graze in pastures. Crops grow in fields. If the cattle are in the field, there’s a fence down somewhere.
21. Everybody knows everybody else. Many families are related. The local schoolteacher was classmates with ‘John’ and ‘Susan,’ and taught their kids and maybe their grandkids.
22. There are few secrets in small towns. See above.
23. Pizza delivery doesn’t come here. If you want to eat, either cook or drive to town.
24. “Next-day delivery” for parcels often isn’t available, either.
25. If you need help, emergency responses may take longer than in town. Call a neighbor while you wait.
*I don’t know why my mom’s friends chose those markings for the restrooms in their show and auction barn. After all, a steer is a castrated male that is raised for beef. Bulls are raised for breeding. Heifers are unbred females. Once a heifer has a calf, she becomes a cow.
I hope you enjoyed these tidbits of country reality. Where the Asphalt Ends is free, and delivered to your in-box each week.